A Week Of BAD PickUp Lines
by yen may
Summary: Edward had to go away for a week and left Bella behind. Mike sees it as an chance to woo Bella with pick-up lines. A funny one-shot.


Edward had to go away for a week because of some vampirish business. So that means Bella is left behind in Forks. She isn't happy about it but she understands. Mike however is ecstatic and attempts to woo Bella. View his "brilliant" pick-up lines.

Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight. It belongs to the talented Stephenie Meyer. I don't own the pick-up lines and comebacks either. :p

Hope you guys enjoy it. It was a spur of the moment idea. After I endured one terrible pick-up line (rolls eyes). I even put that pick up line in this story! Like I said, the guy was so not original. Guess which one is it!

P.S : I just change the ending a tiny bit...added something that cross my mind and I couldn't help but put it in! And also added another pick up line for Day 2, end of class. Another extra in Day one, ending.

* * *

**Day 1**

**Morning**

"Morning Mike" Bella said

"Morning beautiful!" Mike answered

"Erm, thank you? Now can I please get to class?"

"You must be tired"

"Huh? Erm, no? Why would i be?

"Because you were running through my mind all night"

Bella rolled her eyes and answers "Not near as tired as when I get through running away from you." with that Bella walked away.

**Break time**

"Mike seriously, get out of my way." Bella said while trying to get away from Mike.

Mike just ignored her. He pinned her against the locker and said in what he thought was a seductive tone. "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."

Bella cocked an eyebrow at him and said "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Mike looked confused "What?"

"Never mind Mike never mind" and with that she walked away

**End of classes**

"Mike! Let go off me!"

"Do you clean your clothes with Windex? Because I see myself in your pants."

"No, but you should invest in some of that Windex cause your view is seriously cloudy."

**At the parking lot**

"You should bein jail"

Bella looks at him in confusion. What is it with this idiot?

He continues, "it's a crime to look so good"

Bella just about have enough with him "you should be in jail too."

Mike gives her a big smile and puffs out his chest "you think I look good?"

"No, it must be a crime to look that ugly and sprout out lame pick up lines. You should get a life sentence."

* * *

**Day 2**

**Morning**

"Mike! For the last time go away!"

"I know how to please a woman."

"Then please leave me alone!"

**Break time**

Mike quickly got in line behind Bella

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Actually, I'd rather have the money"

**Last class of the day (Bella and Mike are in the same class)**

Mike came into class sulking but soon brigthen up when he saw Bella. He walk to the sit next to her and asked:

"Is this seat empty?" in what he hope be a seductive tone

she answere slightly bored "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

**End of class**

Bella trips in her haste to escape Mike and his lame pick-up lines. She stubs her toe slightly. Mike sees this and rushed over.

"Did it hurt?"

"What the hell you think Mike? Try stubbing your toe then tell me if it hurts" Bella answered blaming her stubbed toe on him. If he didn't always try to harass her, she wouldn't have trip and hurt her poor toe.

"No, Bella. I know that hurt but I meant when you fell."

Bella looked confuse at that point. What is wrong with this guy? "Erm....hello? Are you alright? I stub my toe not fall down."

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven, my angel?"

"Did it hurt Mike?"

"Huh?"

"Did it hurt when your mum drop you on the head?"

"She didn't drop me on my head!"

"Then you better get your brain check. There is obviously something wrong with it."

* * *

**Day 3 (Valentine's Day) (Mike's many attempts)**

**Attempt one**

"Now what Mike?" Bella ask exasperatedly.

"I want to give myself to you for Valentine's"

"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

**Attempt two**

Mike enters dramactically in class and heads straight to Bella and proclaim:

"Where have you been all my life?"

"Running away from you."

**Attempt three**

Mike corners Bella after class and begs

"Please Bella!I'd go through anything for you."

"Good! Let's start with your bank account."

**Attempt four**

"Bella darling! I understand now!"

"What Mike?"

"Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!"

"Okay, get out!"

**Attempt five**

"What do I have to give you for one little kiss?"

"Chloroform"

**Attempt six (in between classes)**

"I would go to the end of the world for you, Bella my sweet!"

"Yes, but would you stay there?"

**Attempt seven (Last attempt of the day)**

Mike slung his hand around Bella and whispered:

"So, wanna go back to my place?"

"Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

"Bella!"

"Bye Mike!"

* * *

**Day 4**

**Morning **

"Oh god! Mike! Stop it already!

"I can tell that you want me."

"Wow, you must be psychic!"

"Really Bella?"

"Yah! I want you to leave me alone!"

**Break time**

"Bella darling, your face must turn a few heads!"

"And your face must turn a few stomachs!"

**End of classes**

Bella was trying to escape Mike but he is very persistant. So before she could get to the car, Mike appears.

"Your place or mine?"

"Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

* * *

**Day 5 **

**Morning**

"Bella, shall we go to Port Angeles and see a movie?"

"I've already seen it."

"But I havent even told you what movie we are watching!"

"Like I said. I've already seen it."

**Break time**

"Bella, there is no way your dad is a cop"

"What? And what give you the right to say that?

"Because he must be a thief"

"And what did he steal?"

Mike smirks as Bella realise she fell straight into that one

"He stole the stars and put it in your eyes"

Bella rolls her eyes and replied ""I like your approach, now let's see your departure."

**End of classes**

"May I see you pretty soon?"

'Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

"Wanna go out with me this weekend?"

"No, i'm having a headache this weekend"

* * *

**Day 6 (Night time) (The gang goes out clubbing)**

**Take one**

"Hey Bella baby! That dress looks gorgeous on you! But, it would look even better laying on my bedroom floor." Mike said suggestively

Bella repiled in a fake happy tone "You're right, but the only way it'll get there is if you buy another one just like it and throw it there yourself!"

**Take two**

"What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the club?" Mike said. At that very moment, a blonde bombshell pass by. Mike started oogling her before seeing her kiss a huge guy (which made Mike chicken out). He quickly looks back at Bella who says:

"What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?"

**Take three (after Bella finishes dancing)**

"Wow Bella. You were hot out there. You look like a dream"

"Thanks. No go back to sleep"

**Take four**

"If I could see you naked, I'd die happy"

"If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing"

**Take five (When Mike is drunk)**

"Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"Yes, that's why I don't go back there."

"Is this your first time here?"

"Yup, and you're giving me plenty of reasons not to come back"

* * *

**Day 7**

Bella is very happy that today is Sunday which means no school which also means no Mike. A peaceful and well deserve rest day. However she is sadly mistaken as Mike is very persistant. Also, Edward is coming back tonight which makes Bella very happy and Mike, not so happy.

The doorbell rings at Bella's place. Wondering who it might be since her dad is out fishing she is suprise to see a delivery man who gives her eleven roses. She is a bit confuse as there is no card there. Then Mike appears while holding a mirror and says

"If you look in the mirror, you'll see 12 roses"

"And if you look in the mirror, it'll crack."

Bella throws the roses at Mike and slams the door shut. Mike continues to ring the doorbell. Bella is getting very angry and opens the door to yell at him but stops when she sees him holding a thesaurus.

"I look up the word beautiful and your name was there"

Bella rolled her eyes "No shit,Einstien. Isabelle means beautiful in Italian and I doubt you knew that. You need a translator not a thesaurus." She snatched the thesaurus away and flipped the pages. "Oh look! I see your name means jerk." With that she slams the door again.

**30 minutes later**

Bella was getting really annoyed. The doorbell had been ringing for the past 10 minutes. Before she could make her mind what to do, the ringing stop. She was relief hoping Mike finally given up. However, the ringing started again 5 minutes growled as she yank the door open and started yelling

"For the last time! Leave me alone! I do not like you! Get away from my house or I'll get my dad to arrest you! I'll file a restraining order I'll....." Bella trailed off. "Oh, hi Edward" She said sheepishly while blushing. "Erm..."

Edward looked amused. "So, i should go now shall I?"

"No! Oh, I'm so sorry but Mike has been harassing me all week! With terrible pick-up lines. It's driving me nuts!" Bella said

Edward chuckled. "I know. Mike was running it all through his mind for the pass 10 minutes"

"Ah, so where's Mike now?"

"I ran him off. After a few threats that is. He won't be bothering you for a long time. Plus, I'm not leaving anytime soon"

"Oh thank you thank you Edward! You don't know how happy that makes me!"

"Oh, I have an idea Bella. After all Mike's bad pick-up lines, you poor thing" he said "Maybe I try and help you forget?"

"Oh, and how do you plan on doing that?" Bella ask suggestively

"I'm sure you'll think of something"

"You bet I do"

And with that, Edward followed Bella into the house and proceeded to help her forget her traumatic week.

* * *

**Some time later**

So, did I help you forget? Edward ask

"Mmm...more or less"

Edward chuckles "Bella Bella Bella. I love you, you know that?"

"Of course I do. I love you too."

"Ah, where have you been all my existance?" muses Edward ( who doesn't realise he actually said a pick-up line)

Bella answers "well. for most of it I wasn't even born yet gramps!"

**THE END**

* * *

Haha....poor Bella. So what do you think of this one shot?


End file.
